For about two and a half decades now, professional finger-waggers have found a decent niche for themselves in the flourishing sexual harassment industry from which they can rail-against the loathsome scourge of men who inadvertently cast appreciative glances upon the figures of women co-workers. So the MacKinnonite theory goes: If that form of rampant delinquency is ever-assiduously rooted-out and punished severely enough, it will prod everyone towards a more respectful workplace in which the first thought that enters a man’s mind when seeing a provocatively dressed, pouty-lipped woman sporting a bod that won’t quit will be: “Great accounting degree!” rather than: “Great legs!”
In my guts, I suspect that could only be attained when the last shreds of human instinct are beaten-out of existence via unimaginably powerful bureaucratic apparatuses which regulate every facet of life and constantly hold the hammer of punishment over people’s heads. Just imagine what kind of Utopian workplace that would turn-out to be, eh? Plus, it’ll work-out swell for the people holding the hammer.
But until that marvelous day arrives, us folks will have to make do with, shall we say, less-than-ideal palliatives. (Hallelujah!) And on that note, famed actress Marion Cotillard is on the case to inform us of an elegant solution to the age-old problem of getting those meatheads to look you in the eyes instead of at your juggs.
Best of all, it has NOTHING to do with you closing up the topmost buttons on your blouse so that the lacy edges of your bra don’t tantalizingly peek-out. That’s a ridiculous idea and there’s no reason you should ever considering doing that as long as you live. Ever. Pretty please? So purge that heresy from your silly little head immediately.
Right. Instead, you ought to consider getting a pair of Forehead Tittaes™ by Janae, which is a far more sensible thing to do. Plus, it sounds French. Or Walloon. Or something.
If you’ve bought a pair of Reebok Easytones, they might very well be!
I’m not sure why they had to make the boobs sound like a pair of ditzes, though. They could have tried something more original. Like, I dunno, make them talk as if they were German rocket scientists maybe. That sure would’ve been an unexpected angle…
I figure it’s got to be a bad idea to have your breasts jealous of your derrière. The only possible result of that would be a war in your guts and these kinds of flare-ups can spread quickly. All of your organs would have to pick sides and you could start swelling-up and bleeding from your eyeballs. Maybe. It could happen. And just to err on the side of caution, there is but one reasonable way to defuse that kind of conflict:
Get a boob job.
And, by sheer coincidence, that happens to be my recommended solution to a whole slew of problems.
What can I say?
I’m into holistic medicine.
PS: This commercial sort of made me worry about the conversations that are going-on between my various body parts. I’m especially concerned about what my pancreas and my gall bladder are saying to each other; I honestly think they’re up to no good.
They’ve got to be very pissed at what I do to my liver.
Doctors in South Africa have developed a new surgical technique that acts as a bra worn under the skin, but without the straps.
Similar to the Internal Bra, the new lift system, named the Breform, places a mesh-like material inside the breast to support the new shape. The cone-shaped material is inserted underneath the skin of the breast and attached with stitches to the layer of fat above the breast tissue.
According to The Daily Mail, the material of the Breform is similar to what is used in hernia operations and is meant to ease the straining of the skin that typically occurs after a traditional breast lift.
“Breform is like a bra cup without the straps,” explains plastic surgeon Dalvi Humzah, who has performed the procedure.
“Once it is fitted, over time the mesh gets incorporated into the breast, as the body produces a fibrous tissue that holds the structure in place – like a permanent bra under the skin.”
The procedure has been performed on 600 women worldwide, with no serious complications yet reported. The surgery takes about four hours under general anesthetic and requires a two-day hospital stay.
The Breform device has not been approved by the U.S. Federal Drug Administration, and should be discussed with a qualified surgeon before consideration.
..Quite an eye-opener, I mean. Courtesy of Ariana beer:
Can’t say I’ve ever had Bulgarian suds before and this is the kind of commercial that rather grabs my attention. But why a pretty young thing in a luxury car would want to step inside a roughly-hewn log dive staffed by a barkeep with a bad case of delirium tremens is something that I don’t quite understand. That’s not the kind of question that ought to be foremost on our minds, I suppose.
No matter. I go absolutely ga-ga over a gal with black nail polish. It just looks so delightfully kick-ass and bitchy. And with bee-stung lips all pumped-up with collagen like those are? I bet she could form a really tight seal if she were to come back to my place and suck on my… bottle.
And you were thinking exactly the same thing, I’m sure.
I mean, she’s got that thing on a chain around her neck, so she’s gotta be guzzling a lot of something on a regular basis, right?
A 10-year trial, using the newly designed “Ideal Implant,” is now underway and includes a financial benefit for women who participate.
Doctor Robert Hamas of Irving, Texas designed the Ideal Implant, which provides the natural look of silicone, but without the chemicals in a silicone implant. The Ideal Implant is different from classic implants in that it contains four multiple internal layers protecting against the potential rupture that sometimes occurs with silicone, and the rippling effect that can happen with saline.
Dr. Hamas is providing a financial incentive for women who participate in the study. While women must pay for the initial surgery, if they complete the FDA approved, 10-year trial, they receive an added bonus.
“We developed a trust fund that is independent of the company that provides women with payment at the end of the follow up visit,” Dr. Hamas said of the payment system.
Each participant gets $3,500 put into a trust fund, and by the end of the trial, that fund should grow to about $8,000-$10,000.
The trial is still open to new patients, and if you would like to learn more about how to participate, please Click Here.
iPhone developer Nor Eagle announced the release of their new application for the iPhone and iPod touch today – Farting Boobs 1.0. After doing “extensive research” analyzing user patterns and App Store trends, T. Benjamin Larsen, Nor Eagle’s CEO, creative director, and hand-model, believes the company has “successfully combined two of the most popular tasks in one single pleasant to use interface.”
Confronted with the seemingly adolescent theme of the app, Larsen admits it is not to be taken seriously: “Honestly, the whole app is meant as a joke. We had just released Insulting Monk and it tanked completely. When looking through the entertainment category in the app store we got the feeling every other app was about boobs. And, if not, they were about farts. So, we figured the only sensible thing would be to combine them!” he laughed. “It’s probably the most commercial title ever released on any platform.”
Though the iBoob app was banned by Apple in 2008 due to “objectionable content,” farting apps have been in high demand and are top sellers through the iTunes store. Now, thanks to Larsen and crew, you have access to an app that combines the joys of boobs and farting. Apparently when these two favorite pastimes are combined into one app, Apple has no qualms about whether or not the content is considered “objectionable.”
Dr. Eyal Gur, an Israeli plastic surgeon, has developed an “internal bra” that women can wear for the rest of their lives. The internal bra is a harness-like device that is inserted under the skin using a local anesthetic during a 40-minute outpatient procedure. According to Dr. Gur, the internal bra gives women support and lift, essentially eliminating the need for a traditional bra.
The “cups” of the internal bra are made of silicone, and inserted under the skin with two tiny incisions underneath each breast. “Straps” are then attached with titanium screws to the ribs between the breast and shoulder to hold the cups in place. The straps are then stitched to the cups and tightened to lift the breasts into the desired position.
Avi Cohen, the managing director of Orbix Medical, the company marketing the bra, expects the procedure to become widely available in Europe within the next 18 months.
The first woman to receive her internal bra was operated on by Belgian surgeons in the beginning of November and is so far “thrilled with the results.”
