In the same vein as these past entries which fall under the purview of Gender-Stalinism, my interest was piqued when I read about these mind-blowing new regulations being readied in England by a Minister by the name of Harriet Harman:

Bar managers and store owners face large-scale compensation claims if their customers ogle their barmaids, waitresses or check-out staff.

New sex discrimination laws also mean that landlords who allow loud sexist jokes or banter among drinkers could be taken before a tribunal.

The regulations say that bosses are responsible for protecting their staff from sexual harassment by customers – and that those who fail to do so can face unlimited compensation claims.

Ahh, yes. The ever-expanding rubric of sexual harassment.

What began as a reasonable measure to protect employees from a “sleep with me or you’re fired” situation has eagerly morphed into a crusading mania for criminalizing petty slights and workplace flirting… especially that from men who are neither handsome nor rich. How magnifique that kids can be thrown-out of first grade and lives can be ended by trumped-up or fraudulent charges and the McCarthyite inquisitions which can follow. I’m glad to see the doctrine can still be taken to crazy extremes nowadays, promoted by oddly neo-Victorian imagery of shocked, virginal maidens swooning before the vulgarity of cackling, mustache-twirling fiends. Bring-in the Manners Police!

Gee, I hope that traffic laws will one day be patterned on sexual harassment guidelines so that we can all get speeding tickets for driving fast enough to make other motorists feel uncomfortable. But I digress.

Back to the article:

…a pub landlord could be sued if a bar worker complains about being called “love”, or over customers telling each other off-colour jokes.

Restaurant managers or hoteliers risk action if staff object to backchat from diners or guests asking for a date…

…The burden of proof will lie with employers. There will be no need for workers to show their employer allowed harassment to happen – instead, managers must demonstrate that they were not at fault.

Golly, I’m sure that wouldn’t have the side-effect of making managers more reluctant to hire women, would it?

Perhaps pub-owners should play it safe by removing suggestive items? Be sure to rip those rubber-dispensers out of the loo. Take-down any posters of Elvis Presley, he of the lewdly gyrating hips. Strike baguettes from the menu, they’re dangerously phallic.

Further down the article, it informs us that to implement the new rules…

Miss Harman has used a statutory instrument that does not require a division or debate in Parliament.

No debate? Goodness, I wonder why she wanted to do it that way?

And just to show you she’s not completely off her rocker, Harman recently toured South London wearing a Kevlar vest for reasons known only to herself, likening it to wearing a hard-hat on a construction site. (And to think, when I was in London last summer I went in a mere Ralph Lauren polo shirt. Who knew I’d be taking my life into my own hands?)

At any rate, regulations like the above once again remind me that women will not be considered equal to men unless they are each guaranteed a life completely free of flirting, rude jokes, or offended feelings of any kind. Just like men are.

…Oh, wait.

Read more: Funny or Weird.